Babysitting the Enemy
by JettaBot
Summary: Snarky fluff about Connor and Oliver babysitting Connor's niece
1. Chapter 1

Oliver waits at the bar for a few minutes more before calling Connor.

"Where are you? You said you'd be here 10 minutes ago."

"Shit, Ollie I completely forgot. I can't make it tonight."

"Again? What's—"

He pauses as he hears a baby's cry.

"…Are you babysitting?"

"My sister is making me look after her little brat while she's away."

"Do you want some help? It sounds like you could use some help."

"Are you sure? It won't be very fun. And my sister's apartment is basically the only place in the world where I would be unwilling to have sex so—yeah, it's going to be incredibly dull."

"Ok, ew, I hope you covered the baby's ears when you said that. And seeing you try to look after a baby? It's definitely going to be fun. I'll come over right away."

"Toddler, not baby. A toddler who's WAY TOO OLD to be throwing temper tantrums."

"…Are you using passive aggression on a toddler? I don't think that's going to work, Connor."

"You don't know her, she's smart. In an "evil genius" kind of way. Besides, do you have any other techniques for stopping a toddler from screaming about wanting her 3rd bowl of ice cream?"

"Why don't you just let her have it? You're her fun uncle, not her dad."

"Oliver! You're supposed to be the responsible one! And don't call me "fun uncle", that makes me die a little inside. That sounds like something you'd call a 60 year old man who goes to clown college."

Oliver sighs. "Fine, drama queen, how about I bring some healthy frozen yoghurt and we can pretend its ice cream?"

"Good plan. Guess what Emmeline, you're going to get more ice-cream."

Connor sat Emmeline down on the couch.

"My boyfriend is coming so you're going to behave right? Cause you're only getting the ice cream if you behave."

Emmeline giggled.

"Is he cute?" she asked with a bit of a lisp

"Very."

"Ok then."

Oliver came in, kissing Connor on the cheek and kneeling down to say hello to Emmeline.

"I'm Oliver, what's your name?"

"I'm Emm—Emmlin"

"She can't pronounce her full name. It's Emmeline" said Connor.

"I said that," said Emmeline indignantly.

"Suuuuure you did."

Emmeline looked pissed. And devious.

"Con says I have to behave cause you're his cute boyfriend."

A grin spread across Oliver's face as and he looked at Connor as Connor frowned.

"Is that so?"

"She's paraphrasing," said Connor, who was now glaring daggers at Emmeline, who was returning the stare.

Oliver was not sure what he got in the middle of here.

"Uhhh…I brought some ice cream Emmeline," he said.

Emmeline cheered up immensely at this thought and started digging into the frozen yoghurt.

"I think that's enough," he said, when she consumed approximately half a litre.

"Time for bed," said Connor.

"I'm not sleepy. Can you read me a book?"

"Oliver's voice is nicer than mine…do you want to read to her?"

Oliver blushed a little.

"Connor's just trying to get out of reading," he said, but got down a fairy tale book from her shelf and started reading it to her. They sat on the sofa, and as Connor leaned against Oliver, lulled by his voice, he started to nap. Oliver took a photo "for blackmail purposes" which made Emmeline giggle. When her lids started to droop, he carried her off to bed (after checking the closets for monsters).

"Tell Con I stayed up later than him."

"Oh, I definitely will."

Oliver went back to the living room, watching TV for a while before Connor woke up.

"There's a yoghurt stain across your jacket. And you fell asleep before your niece. I think that officially makes you a 60-year-old fun uncle."

Connor sleepily threw a pillow at Oliver.

"You looked very cute though," he said, showing him the picture but keeping a firm hold on the phone.

"How much do I have to pay you to delete that photo?"

"Unfortunately, it's priceless."

Their conversation is interrupted by the sound of Emmeline crying.

"Your turn," said Oliver immediately.

"We don't have "turns". We're not her parents."

"Of course not. You're her fun uncle"

Connor rolled his eyes and went to Emmeline's room, then carried her out, gently bouncing her up and down.

"I had a nightmare," she sniffled.

"It's just your imagination, go back to sleep."

"I can't. Can you sing to me?"

"No, just go to sleep."

"You always sing to me when I have nightmares! I want singing!" she yelled.

Oliver's eyes widened as Connor looked to him in desperation.

"Honestly, I'm kind of with her on this one."

"I hope you know you're encouraging peer pressure."

Emmeline let out an ear-splitting screech. Connor looked like he wanted the ground to open up and swallow either him or Emmeline.

"OK! Ok, I'll sing," he said. He carried Emmeline to her room, but Oliver followed to the doorway.

"Hush little baby, don't say a word," Connor started singing, mumbling a little, clearly embarrassed.

"Papa's gonna buy you a– Oliver, stop recording this!"

"What? You have a nice voice and I don't think you'll ever sing in front of me again. It needs to be recorded for posterity."

"I'm going to record you singing "Let it Go" in the shower and put it on Facebook for posterity."

"…Point taken, I stopped recording," he lied.

Connor continued to sing Emmeline to sleep then tucked her in.

Connor and Oliver lay on the couch, exhausted, until Connor's sister arrived. Seeing Oliver on the couch, she said, "please tell me you didn't bring a conquest to babysit my daughter?"

"He's not a conquest. He's a boyfriend."

Oliver hadn't expected to hear that word from Connor for a while yet, let alone twice in one night. It could just be pragmatism. It wouldn't exactly have been appropriate to tell his niece or his sister that he and Oliver were friends with benefits. But this was Connor, and Connor wasn't known for being tactful. If he said boyfriend, he meant boyfriend. The thought made a small smile play at the edges of Oliver's mouth.

"As long as you didn't have sex on my couch," Connor's sister said, ruining Oliver's moment.

"Not the couch…"

"Connor!"

"Relax, it was a joke! We didn't do anything. Believe me, listening to a toddler scream for hours with no escape from your kitschy apartment – it's not exactly an aphrodisiac."

After saying their goodbyes, they went back to Oliver's place. They went to bed, Connor resting his hand on Oliver's chest.

"Thanks for your help with the demon-baby."

"You don't have to pretend you don't care about her Connor."

"Not pretending. We're sworn enemies, literally. We drew up a pact and everything," he mumbles, snuggling closer to Oliver.

Oliver snorted. Connor definitely had more of an inner child than he let on.

"At least admit she's a worthy adversary then."

Connor laughs.

"Fine, she's a worthy enemy."

"Well, that's something," said Oliver, turning off the light.


	2. Chapter 2

Whether it's a toothy grin or a reluctant tug at the edge of his mouth, it's rare to see Oliver go two hours without smiling. Which is what has made the past few days so alarming. He knows this isn't something he can fix, not really, but he thinks he might be able to get Oliver to forget about the diagnosis, if just for an hour or two. Which is why he's skyping his sister, already regretting what he has to ask.

"You _want_ to babysit? I mean I know you love Emmeline but generally only when you're not responsible for life or limb."

"Hey, I offered before didn't I?"

"I _demanded_ before. What's going on? Is this some kind of out-of-character outburst that's meant to signal you've been kidnapped? Roll your eyes once for yes."

"If you don't want the break…"

"I didn't say that. Just wondering…is your parenting clock ticking? Do you want hundreds of babies with this new Oliver guy?" she asks, smirking.

"Gross, no, I just – he needs a distraction. And babies cheer people up…right?"

"Aww," his sister coos, and Connor makes a disgusted noise.

"You really like this Oliver guy – I may have to start Facebook stalking him. Ok, I'll let you take care of the kraken for a couple of hours."

"So gracious."

Connor turns up unannounced at Oliver's door, with an armful of wriggling toddler and cookie ingredients. It's not the strangest thing he's ever turned up with.

"Oliver!" Emmeline shouts. Oliver blinks twice. "Hey Em…Babysitting your uncle, are we?"

Emmeline giggles. "Yes. I'm the Baby Babysitter,"

"Sounds like a terrible reality show," Connor mutters under his breath.

"Sounds like an _adorable_ reality show," Oliver corrects.

"He's not well-behaved like Baby Born. But it doesn't matter, I'm the best."

Emmeline is initially oblivious as Connor shakes his head, mouthing "help me" and miming "she's insane".

Oliver covers his mouth but Emmeline is already suspiciously glancing between him and Connor, who abruptly drops his hands.

"Cookie time?" Connor suggests, and all is forgiven.

"Can you put the ingredients on the counter?" he asks, handing her a packet of choc-chips that she handles like a newborn.

"So," says Oliver, "Your sister needs you to babysit?"

"Yep. She has a work…thing. We can go if—"

"No, it's fine." Oliver says hastily.

"Ok, we should probably go help before she annihilates your kitchen."

When they get there, Emmeline is sitting on the floor, eating choc-chips.

"You guys are so slow. Slowcoaches."

"Damn. Well you know what they say, earlybird gets to do all the work."

"Nooo, Mummy says you tell lies and it's a side-effect of being a lawyer."

"Tell Mummy I'm suing for slander."

"Ok," she says amiably.

Oliver, meanwhile, is getting bowls and measuring cups out. Emmeline asks to pour the flour and a huge puff escapes.

"You've got a little flour…" Connor says, wiping a white streak on her cheek. "And a bit there," adding one to her forehead.

"Is it all gone? Am I beautiful again?"

"Almost," Connor said, deciding symmetry is key.

Oliver turns around and Connor swears he sees a grin spread across his face, quickly compressed into a beautiful bemused smile, along with a half-hearted "_Connor_" warning.

Soon the cookies are ready, and Emmeline is screeching with annoyance after having looked in a mirror. Connor doesn't even attempt to fend off the knee-high attacks, which Oliver calls "karmic retribution". Connor grabs a cookie and waves it over her head like a hypnotist with a watch. He hands over the cookie and she quietens down while Oliver mutters something about how bribing children is not the best educational strategy. They decide to watch Tangled (Oliver is indignant at both Connor and Emmeline not having seen it), and Connor guards the cookie plate. Oliver manages to snatch a few while Connor and Emmeline are tearing up at the end of the movie.

That night, lying on the couch, Oliver looks up from his phone.

"What did you say Gemma was busy with again?"

"Uh, a work thing?"

"Her friend's posted a picture of them having lunch together"

"A work lunch?" Connor asks hopefully.

"And then going to the cinema. And shopping."

Oliver can see the cogs turning desperately.

"…Unbelievable, deceiving me like that just to get a day off—"

"Connor!" Oliver admonishes, laughing and throwing a pillow at him.

"Ok, ok I offered. I—I thought it might make you feel a little better. Even if she's a huge brat."

The smile's in full force now, but Oliver's eyes have that hint of incredulity, that inkling that he can't quite trust any of this. Connor is used to the look by now. He thought it was disappearing until the morning after the diagnosis, when Oliver glanced over and saw him lying next to him.

Connor does what he can to dispel it.

"I _really_ like you", he says, hoping and fearing that it's a transparent disguise for another four-letter word. From the way Oliver looks at him, he thinks it might be.


End file.
